looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Im part way to drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
