Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
