Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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