Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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