# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Randomize
