Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
