Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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