Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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