What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
