I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
