i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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