im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
