I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
