just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
3pm strippers are depressing
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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