I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
