Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Found the puke drawer
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
