So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
