I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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