I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
