My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
