just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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