It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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