Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
