Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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