hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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