honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
