just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
