I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
