he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
