Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
