My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
