True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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