Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
