ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
