so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
