just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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