I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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