im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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