no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
