Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
