My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
