I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
