how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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