yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
