peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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