I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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