and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He better not be in your backpack
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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