i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
