So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
