Me. At least after what I've been through.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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