I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
