You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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