dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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